by Trashy

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released January 16, 2016



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Trashy Brooklyn, New York

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Track Name: Big Wheels
These big drops falling, running down my face into my nose. Winter’s coming for us, I can feel it in my ears and in my toes. I push this last leg harder, though I don’t know where I’ll go. I think I’m close though. It’s about 1,000 pounds of pressure, and I’m too far behind. I’m late for work as usual I’d take the train if I were so inclined. Every minute matters so I’m taking my time, and it’s fine.
The obstacles are melting and the seasons change again. I only come out of my cave to feel the warm sun on my skin. If there were any justice, or any god left to defend, I’d die right where I stand. I’d been feeling very lucky, and so much taller than I had. I thought I’d rolled with all the punches and that I didn’t look that bad. And if only just this one time I wished that the feeling would last, but then it passed.
I will no longer plead for you love as you falter. I will no longer just be thought of as your fodder. I have fallen off every time, so I can’t fault her. I will no longer burn for your love if you won’t bother.
I was making all these promises I should have known I couldn’t keep. You were sealing off the last of yourself and ruining my sleep. And just before I jumped you knew I’d know it’d be too deep, but I took the leap.
If we could I’d want to ride off forever right into the setting sun. Instead of standing at the bus stop together, waiting for a ride that will never come. As of now it’s half passed 11, every train has come and gone. You and I, we beat the rain home.
Track Name: Long Walk Home
The hardest part is there’s no way out of this, knee deep in shit and force fed the ignorant. Fielding questions chucked straight for the soft spots. Who do you think you’re fooling anyway, you always thought you were your own worst enemy. But, you can’t see me I’m not real.
I know it’s hard when there’s no one to talk to and everybody stares because nobody likes you. Haven’t found a way yet to fire back. What are you trying to prove, no one asks cuz they all assume. Every day’s a new route home, and you’re always walking all alone.
Cuz it’s a long way back to where you’re safe cuz that’s not here. I’m so sorry if you don’t have the strength to make it there. We’ve all been waiting for someone to tell us that it’s worth it. But, we’re sick and tired, fucking sick and tired, of this shit.
Track Name: Idly By
Then the sky opened up, a shit storm called a media blitz. You saw one trans face and you're still throwing that fit. You're a journalist, but you can't find the words to call it? And no no, she didn't die from you words. It was your actions, no that litany of slurs. It's not so hard to fucking call her a girl.

It's not what you think. We're coming back, it's all part of the plan. We've got two fingers crossed and an outstreched hand. We got big dreams. So keep the checks coming. Who'd have thought that we're still left behind, got the white picket fences and then changed their minds. Now the well's dry and we get nothing.

If we're less than in your eyes, it's a road we travel well. Since get nothing, is still your compromise, we will make this for ourselves.

I will not stand at attention, I will not be left to your discretion, I will not suffer this indignity at your hands. I will not beg for your acceptance, I will not hide from your resentment, I will not stand idly by and wring my hands.
Track Name: Things You Never Want To Hear
You gotta understand it’s been a really hard week I’m tired of smiling and standing on my feet. Every breath I take I take begrudgingly, forcing air through these gritted teeth. And if I’m being honest I didn’t know what to think, I heard all the words I’m staring at my feet and all I know is that you don’t know what it’s like to be me. And he said, “I’m scared of you.” And I said, “I’m scared of you too.” But you locked all the doors and you threw away the key, but don’t lock yourself away from me.
There’s things you never want to hear and I guess you’re sick of me too. I’m a sad sorry piece of shit you’ve scraped of your shoe. And I could spend my life apologizing for this or refocus my attention on who I’m accountable to. Things got real dark and I was icing my fists, drowning in these thoughts of slitting my wrists. When I turned to you looking for some support, you clarified you’re out of patience for this. And he said, “I’m scared for you.” And I said, “I’m scared for me too.” But you locked all the doors and you threw away the key, but don’t lock yourself away from me.
This reads just like I thought it would, but I skipped over the chapters about you in this book. Someday I’ll write you out and I’ll get sober. Someday you’ll be a memory I’ll glaze over.
And then he says, “I’m scared of you.” And if I were him I’d probably be scared too.
Track Name: Good Enough
I came here to drink cuz cuz I want to feel something, I've been trying to think and I'm coming up with nothing. I got two tickets to paradise, but 10 places to be tonight. I was eating those pills in an attempt to feel better, I was miming the words to my goodbye letter. And i'm not gonna apologize. Feeling numb was kind of nice.
Now I'm walking these streets because something is missing, got caught up in the dreaming and fruitless wishing. What if the moment came for me and I wasn't where I was supposed to be? Because the lights in the city are so distracting when you're too busy looking instead of reacting. I saw what I came to see, and now you'll never be rid of me.
And it's good enough.